Statements like "no fats or fems" or "no Blacks or Asians" litter profiles in hookup communities on Grindr, Jack'd, and similar platforms.

Thankfully, marginalized queer communities have started to call out those hurtful comments as acts of discrimination rather than statements of preference.

I’ve received messages that said, "I love BBC," or "I never been with a Black guy before," or, on the opposite end of the "no Blacks" spectrum, I've seen white men who are "not into white guys, sorry."When I'm dating a white man, I occasionally feel like I need to confront the issue of race head-on and acknowledge the difference in life experiences between me and my partner.

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After graduating, I moved to New York, and though here I was able to find queer friends who are also people of color, we are still always in the minority at gay bars and clubs.

A friend of mine, who is Latino, once asked why I didn't approach Black men in bars.

As a dark-skinned Black man, I have faced both overt and subtle instances of racism from white gay men.

The ways in which I have been objectified and fetishized by them has often made me feel that I’m only good enough for sex and not for a relationship.

And when I scroll through Grindr’s grid of faceless torsos, I find myself only messaging guys with complexions lighter than a paper bag.

Even in person, when I’m trying to muster up the courage to talk to a cute guy, I first wonder if he’s "into black guys." I hate myself for even having to contemplate these things, and I’m now left asking myself: And the more I think about it, the more complicated the answer seems. The only gay people I saw in the media were white, and the few Black queer celebrities that I knew of, like Wanda Sykes and Michael Sam, were in interracial relationships.

insecure about my Blackness — which is painful and embarrassing to admit.

As a Black writer who writes about issues of race and culture, I can’t help but feel a certain sense of hypocrisy when it comes to my dating habits.

While I may flirt or develop friendships with other Black gay men, I’ve never seriously pursued a relationship with one.