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I knew she was testing me to see if I was cheap or if I'd spend it on her. All I ask is for my date—and for myself—to show up mentally unaccompanied, so we can both spend the whole night discovering what exactly we do like about each other.

Before I turned 30, I registered words and concepts, but I hadn't yet learned how to truly focus when a woman was speaking, how to stop my brain from shuffling through other thoughts like: Where should we go after dinner? How is this date going—maybe I shouldn't have ridiculed people who are overly enthusiastic about yogurt?

Because when you're busy thinking about all your possible flaws and faults, you might end up sounding like this: "Yeah, totally, haha, yeah, haha, totally, yeah. But banter often flips directly into sarcasm and making jokes at your date's expense. In the past, I was deeply in love with a woman who never tried to make jokes. Next: The one thing that drives up the romantic tension like you would not believe I'll admit it.

Haha." If you take your awesomeness as a given, you can focus on finding out what is awesome about the guy you just met. Not that she never laughed (I still miss her laugh), but she just didn't feel the need to be constantly funny. During encounters past, I had the habit of mentally inviting along some of my friends, who took a seat on the discussion panel, right there in my head.But when she turns to look out over the crowd, I see her brown eyes and bright warm smile. She's pretty to the point of intimidation, but, importantly, I do not look away. I'm not sure if any of us can recognize real, lasting love the first time we meet somebody, but there a few things that help a man decide if a first meeting needs to turn into a first date.Though it can be difficult (trust me, I understand), assume you are an awesome, quality person. It's about not feeling insecure, not laughing too often and too long at what is not funny enough and not agreeing too fast and repeatedly before any actual points or ideas are fully expressed. Every online profile, every random dater, every TV single person all say they want the same thing in a mate: a sense of humor. But the pressure to be funny, when mixed with a healthy dose of nerves, means that conversations easily veer into banter. Sincerity is milk chocolate; sarcasm is a grapefruit.It's late Friday night, and the bar in which I find myself is like an ancient ship's lower deck: dark wood and barrels.The band performing in the far corner matches the mood.Each member’s database is verified along with photo verification so that there are no fake profiles or identities.